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United States of depression

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hrrys:

"you STILL like one direction?"

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1. I didn’t leave my room for days. My father looks at me like he just heard the saddest of stories. I just want to feel okay again.
2. I keep trying to fill this gap in my heart with things and people, it never stays full for long.
3. You stopped looking at me the way you used to. I don’t think I’m afriad, because I saw it coming. I’m just kind of sad, because I know myself so well. People always seem to get tired of me.
4. There were beautiful flowers on my windowsill and they’re dead now. My mother kept telling me to water them, but how can you expect me to water those flowers when I can’t even water myself?
5. I have always wanted to bleed myself dry, for as long as I can remember. People ask me about where I see myself in the near future, where I want to be, but, “dead, hopefully,” is not an acceptable answer.
6. I asked you if you loved me and I found the answer in the way you said, “yes,” like it was a chore.
7. I think if I gave my life to the moon, it would become full.
8. I laughed with you and for a second I felt like I could love you, it was possible. But you left before I could even try to love you, and before you could even try to love me.
10. I want to go home. I want the ocean to swallow me up and I want to become a part of it.
9. Your goodbye felt like a bullet that night. I wish it would have killed me like a bullet too.
11. When you yelled at me to get lost, you didn’t know that that’s all I ever truly wanted. To get lost and never come back.
12. I think I was born with a part of me missing. It would explain this emptiness in my chest. It would explain why I always feel so hollow.
13. I sat in your front yard at 12 am and wished for you to love me. I saw your light turn off, and then I knew.

M.O.W, I’m not sure that I understand my own sadness (via imwritingpoems)
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